Members of the same clan were considered to be near relatives who were not allowed to intermarry. This law was strictly enforced with death or public whipping of the offending families. In ancient times, Indians seldom married a second time. The only second marriages considered honorable were those involving a brother's widow.

P ermission to marry was essential from the family of the woman. Many times the priest must give his permission as well. The bride's brother would exchange gifts of clothing and ornaments with the groom as a symbolic act of joining the two families. Among many tribes, the suitor would supply the woman's family with food or provided services from the time of the marriage proposal to the time of the wedding. Often times, a maiden could not refuse if the parents approved the match and the suitor gave gifts or services.

A young woman experiencing her first menstrual period was separated from the family and all others and placed a vacant lodge a short distance away. During this time no person was allowed to touch her, and she was not allowed to prepare her own food. At the end of seven days she washed herself, her clothing and everything she touched and returned to her family. She was now eligible to be married.

I ndian marriages were considered a contract for life. Although divorces were not common, they did occur. The only formality required was the dividing of the marriage blanket. If person was disloyal, the offending person was usually publicly whipped the women. In the case of an offending wife, all her possessions were removed and she was turned out of the lodge. When separations were mutually agreed and the marriage blanket was split, the couple's property was equally divided and the children were provided for by the mother.

A priest or shaman could not marry a widow, a divorced woman or a woman of bad character. Among many tribes, the marriage of a priest was approved by seven counselors. The wife of the priest must be a virgin of unblemished character. The position of wife of a priest held great honor and often times she was expected to take his place in case of his death until another priest could be appointed.

It was a common practice among many indigenous people that the groom went to live in the lodge of the brides' family after the wedding ceremony. Some clans built a new lodge for the couple in the village of the bride near her mother's lodge.

The groom was subservient to the bride's mother and obeyed her every wish. It was his responsibility to provide food, shelter and protection for the wife's family.

Honeymoon trips were not common. However, families of the couple often provided food and plenty of space and time for the newlyweds to be alone for a period of time after the wedding.

Newlyweds were expected to perform certain acts of charity and service for the village to reinforce the habit of giving between themselves and the larger family. Gifts of food for and clothing for widows and children were common. Gifts of tools, adornments and weapons were expected by some societies.

As relatives and friends followed, the couple entered the sacred council fire area. The bride wore a white dress and white moccasins, usually made from deer or elk skins. The groom wore a roe-colored ribbon shirt, black pants and moccasins.

In colonial times, Cherokee homes had no scissors so women tore pieces of fabric into either squares or rectangles to make their dresses. As calico and other fabrics became available to the Indian ribbon shirts and "tear" dresses became popular.

The couple were wrapped in blue blankets that represented their old ways of weakness, sorrow, failures and spiritual depression. Relatives followed them to the sacred fire.

A holy man blessed the union and all those present. The couple exchanged baskets. The groom's basket contained meat and skins representing his promise to feed and clothe the bride. The bride's basket was filled with bread and corn representing her promise to nurture and support her new husband.

The couple then shed the blue blankets and were enveloped by relatives in a white blanket representing their new ways of happiness, fulfillment and peace.

Stomp dancers performed for the couple and a prayer of continuance was said to end the ceremony.

Note: In today's wedding ceremonies, if the holy man blessing the wedding is not licensed by the state in which the ceremony takes place, a civil ceremony following the Indian religious ceremony is required.

The Rite of Seven Steps is a beautiful and meaningful wedding ceremony. The origins of this ceremony are traced to tribes in different parts of the continent and cannot be attributed to any one nation or language group.

Both bride and groom take seven steps sunwise (clockwise) around the sacred fire. For each step taken, a vow is said by each. The groom makes one step forward and says a vow, and then the bride takes a step to join him and says her vow until one round around the fire is completed. Family and friends join hands in a circle around the fire.

A variation of the Rite of Seven Steps ceremony has the couple exchanging gifts after each step to signify each vow given. Example: kernels of corn represent fertility and growth, a feather stands for truth and loyalty, a stone stands for strength, solidarity and wisdom.  The vows shown below are only an example of words that may be recited, however, you should consider writing your own vows.  

GROOM STEP 1: O' my beloved, our love has become firm by your walking one with me. Together we will share the responsibilities of the lodge, food and children. May the Creator bless noble children to share. May they live long.

BRIDE STEP 1: This is my commitment to you, my husband. Together we will share the responsibility of the home, food and children. I promise that I shall discharge all my share of the responsibilities for the welfare of the family and the children.

GROOM STEP 2 : O' my beloved, now you have walked with me the second step. May the Creator bless you. I will love you and you alone as my wife. I will fill your heart with strength and courage: this is my commitment and my pledge to you. May God protect the lodge and children.

BRIDE STEP 2: My husband, at all times I shall fill your heart with courage and strength. In your happiness I shall rejoice. May God bless you and our honorable lodge.

GROOM STEP 3: O my beloved, now since you have walked three steps with me, our wealth and prosperity will grow. May God bless us. May we educate our children and may they live long.

BRIDE STEP 3: My husband, I love you with single-minded devotion as my husband. I will treat all other men as my brothers. My devotion to you is pure and you are my joy. This is my commitment and pledge to you.

GROOM STEP 4: O' my beloved, it is a great blessing that you have now walked four steps with me. May the Creator bless you. You have brought favor and sacredness in my life.

BRIDE STEP 4: O my husband, in all acts of righteousness, in material prosperity, in every form of enjoyment, and in those divine acts such as fire sacrifice, worship and charity, I promise you that I shall participate and I will always be with you.

GROOM STEP 5: O' my beloved, now you have walked five steps with me. May the Creator make us prosperous. May the Creator bless us.

BRIDE STEP 5: O my husband, I will share both in your joys and sorrows. Your love will make me very happy.

GROOM STEP 6: O' my beloved, by walking six steps with me, you have filled my heart with happiness. May I fill your heart with great joy and peace, time and time again. May the Creator bless you.

BRIDE STEP 6: My husband, the Creator blesses you. May I fill your heart with great joy and peace. I promise that I will always be with you.

GROOM STEP 7: O' my beloved goddess, as you have walked the seven steps with me, our love and friendship have become inseparable and firm. We have experienced spiritual union in God. Now you have become completely mine. I offer my total self to you. May our marriage last forever.

BRIDE STEP 7: My husband, by the law of the Creator, and the spirits of our honorable ancestors, I have become your wife. Whatever promises I gave you I have spoken them with a pure heart. All the spirits are witnesses to this fact. I shall never deceive you, nor will I let you down. I shall love you forever.

"God in heaven above please protect the ones we love. We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.

We honor Mother Earth and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons.

We honor fire - and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts.

We honor wind - and ask we sail through life safe and calm as in our father's arms.

We honor water - to clean and soothe our marriage– that it may never thirst for love.

All the forces of the universe you created, we pray for harmony and true happiness,
as we forever grow young together.

Amen."